Have you ever wonder how people that are discriminated feel? Well I am sure that a person that is treated differently from the rest does not feel happy or excited! Today my blog will be about a story of a family that was discriminated, feelings, what happens with the persons self -esteem and my opinion. I am sure that everyone heard about the tragedy that took place in Wilmington on January 27, 2009. A Ervin Lupoe killed his wife, kids (8-year-old daughter and two sets of twins 5-year-old girls and 2-year-old boys) and committed suicide. His family looked like victims of a psycho person. Many neighbors of the family said that they had a lot of problems and a lot of stress. Ervin Lupoe and his wife worked at Kaiser Permanente Hospital in West Los Angeles and had lost their job couple of days before the tragedy, according to a conflict that has been mentioned but in the mans letter says that Ervin Lupoe had felt discriminated. The Ervin Lupoe wrote a letter and in this letter he wrote that was told by the administrator `You should not even had bothered to come to work today you should have blown your brains out.’ (If you want to now more about thefamily click here.)Many news reporters tried to get declarations from Kaiser Permanente Hospital but all they did was write a letter showing how sad they were and never mention about what the administrator said. Ervin Lupoe was depressed because this comment is traumatic. Discriminators make these types of comments or worse to make the person feel less than what they are and this way decreasing their self -esteem. Victims like Mr. Loupe feel depress, and that they don’t belong in this world. Mrs. Loupe was depressed to and they both decided that Mr. Loupe would kill her and her children. These decision was taken because Mr. and Mrs. Loupe did not wanted to leave their children with strangers. Like the Loupe’s story are many more and worst. In my opinion the Administrator had no right to make that horrifying comment and should thought about Mr. Loupe’s children that had no fault of their parents problems. The administrator had no right even though the couple had committed a crime. We are no one to judge, discriminate, or hate, God is the only one who can judge. Do not discriminate!!
Guadalupe:
ReplyDeleteI am not certain what you mean by "discrimate." Normally this word is used to mean prejudice against someone based on their race, gender, religion, or some other generalized factor. Disliking someone because of something the person chose to do (like "I hate you because you hit my wife") is not discrimination.
What did Mr. Loupe do to make his boss say that thing to him? Was it just because Loupe was Hispanic? That would be discrimination. If it was because Loupe killed the man's daughter, that would not be discrimination; that would just be plain old hatred.
If this isn't clear, we should talk. Perhaps you have been focusing on clear cases of racial or religious discrimination, and this will not be a problem. But if you are talking about any and all cases in which one person dislikes another person, that is a different topic than discrimination. You can write on that topic, but you want to get your words right.
Watch those singular/plural agreements. "they" is not used for singular people.
You leave out many words. Proofread for this.
Sometimes I just do not understand what you mean; this may be word choice, or you may be leaving words out. Ask yourself if the sentences are clear!
C
Have you ever wonder[ED] how people that are discriminated feel? Well [COMMA] I am sure that a person that is treated differently from the rest does not feel happy or excited! Today my blog will be about [cut about] a story of a family that was discriminated [AGAINST], [THEIR] feelings, [AND] what happens with the person[']s self -esteem [cut->"and my opinion" for clarity]. I am sure that everyone heard about the tragedy that took place in Wilmington on January 27, 2009. A Ervin Lupoe killed his wife, [AND, not a comma] kids (8-year-old daughter and two sets of twins 5-year-old girls and 2-year-old boys) and committed suicide. His family looked like [THE] victims of a psycho person [PSYCHO KILLER, maybe, or just PSYCHO, not PSYCHO PERSON]. Many neighbors of the family said that they had a lot of problems and a lot of stress. Ervin Lupoe and his wife worked at Kaiser Permanente Hospital in West Los Angeles and had lost their job [If Lupoe lost his job it should be "HE HAD LOST HIS JOB"; if both he and his wife worked there, it would be HAD LOST THEIR JOBS"] [A] couple of days before the tragedy, according to a conflict that has been mentioned [now you are not making sense. According to a conflict that has been mentioned? Do you mean a newspaper article? A television report?] but in the mans [LUPOE'S] letter says that Ervin Lupoe [HE] had felt discriminated [AGAINST]. The [cut The] Ervin Lupoe wrote a letter [you have been talking about the letter in the previous sentence; perhaps you should tell us he wrote it FIRST and THEN tell us what was in it] and in this letter he wrote that was told by the administrator `You should not even had [HAVE] bothered to come to work today [run-on] you should have blown your brains out.’ (If you want to now more about thefamily click here.) Many news reporters tried to get declarations from Kaiser Permanente Hospital but all they did was write a letter showing how sad they were and [THE HOSPITAL] never mention[ED] about [cut "about"] what the administrator said. Ervin Lupoe was depressed because this comment [FROM HIS SUPERVISOR] is [WAS] traumatic. Discriminators make these types of comments [cut "or worse"] to make the person feel less than what they ["person" is singular, "they" is plural] are and [IN] this way decreasing their [again, singular/plural] self -esteem. Victims like Mr. Loupe feel depress[ED or ION], and [FEEL] that they don’t belong in this world. Mrs. Loupe was depressed to[O] and they both decided that Mr. Loupe would kill her and her children. These decision was taken because Mr. and Mrs. Loupe did not wanted to leave their children with strangers. Like the Loupe’s story are many more and worst. [fragment. THERE ARE MANY MORE STORIES LIKE THE LOUPE'S.] In my opinion the Administrator had no right to make that horrifying comment and should [HAVE] thought about Mr. Loupe’s children that had no fault of [RESPONSIBILITY FOR not "fault of"] their parents problems. The administrator had no right even though the couple had committed a crime. [Wait, they committed a crime? What crime? Isn't that important?] We are no one [NOT ONES] to judge, discriminate, or hate, [comma splice] God is the only one who can judge. Do not discriminate!!